Happy thoughts

Today was a good day ;) It was a rainy, chillier day than usual. The boys and I stayed in today. Didnt have a plan, didn't have a schedule (well besides the normal nap times for this we WILL never do without) and we just went with it.

They are into this new play time now...mommy lies down on her back or stomach. They see me there, and they get so excited. Each of their faces light up and they crawl to me, start to climb up me, digging their faces into my leg, stomach, face..whatever is there. So I grab them both, hold them tights, and roll from side to side screaming and tickeling them. They laugh so hard, they love it! We did this for the first time the other day and I can say at that very moment...I knew I was doing this 'right' as a mom to twin baby boys. I never thought I was not a good mom, but I just wasn't 'comfortable' in my abilities in doing it 'right' for the boys...until now.

Today this feeling only intensified for me. We were in the kitchen and I got down and started crawling out into the family room. I looked back at the boys, saying "C'mon boys, follow Mommy!" And they did!!! I crawled out, then Logan was behind me followed by Braylon and the dog last. Not kidding. As each one met up to me, I was clapping and laughing, telling them they did such a good job! Those smiles on their faces then, Ahhhh..breath-taking!

For so many months, it is worry after worry. How am I going to breastfeed two babies? How am I going to carry two babies? How are they going to sleep-tandem or seperate? How or when am I going to sleep? Who's going to watch over Kiara if I am busy? How am I going to go to the store? eat? shower? pee? think? You don't have time to think. So, in return it is so hard to enjoy. Just to enjoy them and me with them. The days have finally come. I always loved them, of course, always thought they were the cutest, most precious things ever...I always kissed their little feet and hands, rubbed noses with mine...but it is different now. Real different.

And just to think back...how could I ever think I was not sure 'how' I was going to love a boy, let alone two boys! Now-I can't imagine never loving them this much.